To The One Who Walked Away

To the one who walked away,

Before I begin, I want you to know that I don’t blame. I don’t hate you for saving yourself. I know I didn’t make it very easy for you to stay.

You tried to tell me how you felt about me but I was too scared to hear you. I pushed you away instead of listening to what you had to say. I recited numerous reason why you were better off without me but you didn’t walk, not straight away.

I wasn’t in a good place at the time and I gave you the reasons why. I bared my soul to you, I laid every single broken piece of me out in front of you. I told you things that I hadn’t told anyone else. And still you stayed.

You held me in your arms. You saw me at my lowest, picked my broken body up from floor. You caught the tears that fell from my eyes. You stayed by my side. But why?

I didn’t make it easier for you to stay. I told you I couldn’t give you everything you deserved. And you told me that it didn’t matter.

It took me awhile but you had all the patience in the world. It took all my remaining strength but I let you in to a corner of my heart. Little did I know that it would spread like wild fire, out of my control.

I’d fallen for you.

I thought you felt it too. I thought you wanted it too. You told me enough times. I thought we shared a connection, a deep and meaningful understanding. After all you helped save me from the brink of extinction. Surely things could only get brighter.

But something was wrong. I could tell by the way that you spoke. There was this tone in your words that I had never heard before. I thought I’d done something wrong, yet again. I should have known deep down it was too good to be true. I thought you would at least have the decency to tell me what I’d done, instead I had to drag it from you.

And that’s when you took back your word.

All those things that you told me didn’t matter, apparently did.

And still I find myself apologising. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person that you deserved. I’m sorry for putting you through it all. I hope that one day you can forgive me.

But I did give you fair warning to walk away but you didn’t, not straight away. I think that was the hardest part about it. I know you didn’t want to hurt me, but I guess that was unavoidable. I had already let you in.

Even after all this time, I still think about you. I want you to know that I don’t resent you. You got me through the darkest nights. And I can’t thank you enough. I wish you well in your life, whatever that is you’ve decided to do.

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.

From
The one you left behind

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