‘I would die for you. But I won’t live for you’

It is easy for me to sit here and write a list of people that I would sacrifice everything for. To give it all up to ensure that they were kept safe and happy. But sometimes it’s not as easy to live for them. When life is fighting against you, when you’re swimming against the current, it’s hard to keep going for them. To see the light that they are seeing. Regardless of how much you care for them. 

I’ve just finished reading ‘The Perks Of Being A Wallflower’ and there is this bit when Charlie mentions the line ‘’I would die for you. But I won’t live for you’’ and what it means to him, which has completely changed my perspective. 

It made me realise that life isn’t about living for other people or fighting against your own demons for them. It’s about defeating them for yourself. 

We all have our purpose and something to offer to this world, even if we can’t to see that at the moment. We just have to find. Each and every day we make decisions about what we should and shouldn’t do. But these decisions shouldn’t be made to suit other people at the expense of ourselves. 

This revelation may seem obvious to some people but for me it was the reminder I needed. I’m very much a people pleaser and often put other people’s happiness before my own. I desperately avoid doing or saying the wrong thing because I don’t want to ‘get it wrong’ or upset someone. I’ve let people hurt and avoided sticking up for myself just to keep the peace.

Maybe this is just another way my anxiety has got its grip around my life, which makes these things all the more difficult. But this shouldn’t be how I live the rest of my life. For exactly that reason: it’s my life.

It can be difficult to see and value our own worth. Especially if you are constantly putting other people first and trying to make sure that they are happy. I’m not say we should stop caring about one another. But maybe sometimes we should put ourselves first.

I know that this is difficult. I find it near impossible to see what other people see in me, I just don’t understand it. I know that I should live for myself more but sometimes it’s not as easy to take your own advice. But reading it from another person’s perspective sometimes makes it that little bit easier to believe.

So I want you to know that your life holds just as much value as other people’s. We just need to find that thing that’s rooted deep inside ourselves. And when find it, whatever it is, we need to hold on to it and fight for it. 

We shouldn’t live our lives for other people. It’s our life and we should live it for ourselves. 

Sometimes a fresh perspective is needed, as a reminder of what we already know.

Until next time
Karlena
xx 

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