A Wandering Soul
As I lay here in a quiet corner of my garden I don’t really have anything to say. For the past few days I have struggled to find inspiration and motivation. The words in my mind and heart seemed to be frozen, a lump in my throat that won’t set them free. And now I sit here staring at a blank screen. The cursor pulsating like the blood in my veins, a silent clock and constant reminder that time is floating through my fingers.
Time is a perplexing concept. As a child time seems infinite, the days feel so long. Dreaming of so many stories, my mind wandering from one dream to the next. Wishing that I was that little bit older. But now, the older I grow the quicker the clock moves forward. Before I know, the day has left me. Travelling at 100 mph soaking me as I stand by the road side trying to catch a lift.
I wake up each morning, well at least I think I do. Because before I know it, it’s the early hours. Some days, with no explanation or no reason why, I see the world in black and white. In the blink of an eye the bright blue sky fades in to a deep shade of grey. It can happen without warning and with it time slowly freezes. I see the world around me but I’m trapped in my colourless Perspex box.
Sometimes I can be stuck for days, other times for hours. I have no control over this world, instead it controls me. A parallel world to reality that my mind wanders between. A wandering soul with no destination in a world that constantly moves forward.
I often ask myself if this destination in life we drawn to is important. If I’m being honest, I don’t know the answer. I like to believe that our worth is based on the hearts we touch and the impressions we leave on other people. But I fear, in this world we live in, our worth is based on the amount of money we have or the branded clothes that cover our skins and souls. I hope my fears are wrong because that would mean that I don’t belong.
At the moment I’m quite happy to let my soul wander. This may seem strange to you after I’ve spoken about my days without colour but these days make me treasure the bright ones. I hold them close to my heart. The grey days are simply the pot holes in my road through life and I won’t let them steer me from my course, whatever that maybe. I will continue to drive towards the treasure at the end of the rainbow, hoping that the grass will be greener. You may think I live in fairy tale, but the harder I believe the more real it seems. And let’s face it, I would rather live in a dream than see the world in the colours that it is painting.
I’m sorry if this post is bit of a ramble. I have so many ideas for posts but this week I haven’t had the words to fill them. It has been quite frustrating but I’m trying to embrace it. I think this is my minds way of telling me that I need to take a break. So I’ve tried to focus on myself. Hopefully by next week my words will have returned and I will have much more to say.
Until then, take care of yourself
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