Let It Be
I feel the darkness
Beating in my chest
In unison with my breath
Invading my heart
An unwelcome guest
Ciphering my life
Into something unknown
I feel the darkness
Laced in my veins
A poison circulating
In the roots
Pulsating inside me
Infecting every branch
Of my thoughts
Leaving me bare and broken
I feel the darkness
Entangled in my soul
A voice I no longer know
Screaming profanities
At the shadow in the mirror
I can’t do anything right
Paranoid and paralysed
By vines that only tighten
But what if I feel the darkness
And just let it be
Instead of fighting
And burning in its heat
I take a deep breath
And hold myself tight
Until this feeling passes me
What if I feel the darkness
And become immune
To its poisonous traits
Use the fear and pain
And transform it in to beauty
Grow self-love
From understanding
What if a feel the darkness
And welcome it in to my home
Offer it some kindness
Treat it like a friend
And show it the world
Beyond it’s pained perspective
What if I live with the darkness
As an equal to my happiness
For the future can’t exist
Without the past
And the light can’t exist
Without the nights darkness
There would have been a time when my mind would have scrutinised every detail, obsessed over unanswerable questions and blamed myself for things out my control.
And it’s so hard to not let that take control again.
But I’m trying.
Instead of fighting the loud, anxious thoughts I’m trying to let them be. Instead of feeding the soul-destroying thoughts my self-esteem I trying to let them be.
I don’t mean that I’m giving up or allowing them to wreak havoc. I’m just acknowledging them, giving them some space to breath and calm down. It just makes it that little bit easier to set them free to pass by me.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always get it right. There are still times when it’s all too easy to fall in to familiar habits. And surrender to the ever-convincing thoughts trapped in the walls of my mind. There are times when I fear everyone is out to get to me. An unbearable feeling that I can’t cope in world which moves far too quickly. There are times I can’t leave the past where it is meant to be. Instead I drag it around like an anchor bound to my ankle. And there are times when I feel so lonely. Consumed by loves lost and friendships fading. And all I see in the future is a reflection of my current hollowed out frame, barren and broken.
But I don’t want to live a life like that. Nobody does and nor do they deserve to. I have seen a glimmer of the light and I know better times are out there to be found. I’ve felt the warmth wrapped around me and I don’t want to let it go of that feeling. I’ve dared to dream a future full of hope.
And for the first time in ages I feel content. Genuinely content.
Maybe I’m turning a corner, maybe I’m on my way up.
Until next time
Karlena
xx
Taka Seamus O'Cullaighane
January 18, 2019 at 8:38 pmSweetheart that was amazing spoken truly from the heart well done
Karlena Clifford
February 8, 2019 at 5:32 pmAww thank you so much xx