On the 15th October 2016 I packed up the life I had watched fall part for over a year in to the car and moved back home. I tried so hard to forge some kind of future for myself. But instead I managed to break it in to a million pieces.
These were supposed to be the best years of my life. I was supposed to be out having fun and making unforgettable memories. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling depressed. I was the lowest I had ever been. And I didn’t think things could get any lower. But after facing one of the hardest decisions of my life which resulted in me moving back home, I was proved wrong. The little independence I had built was taken away. I had to say goodbye to the few close friends that I had made. I had given up on the future that I had been working towards for so many years. And I had to face all the questions (mainly from myself) about how I managed to make such a mess of my life.
But I was desperate and felt so alone. I couldn’t keep heading in the same direction. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I needed to do something.
Looking back now, I think that decision saved my life but at that time I didn’t know whether or not it was the right one.
I suppose that’s the same in all the decisions we make. We never know exactly where they will lead us. And I would never of guessed that two years on I would be studying a degree I enjoy (and see a future in), found a love of writing or set up ‘The Amazing People Project’ (you can read more about it here). I’m not saying that this decision cured me. I still struggle on a daily basis, fighting with the demons in my head and trying shaking off a feeling of loneliness, but I am in a better place than I was two years ago.
I guess what I’m trying to say is have faith in yourself and the decisions you make. There are times when we have to put ourselves first and place trust ourselves. And I know this is difficult, it is something that I struggle with. But we just have to have faith that we will make the right decisions and that they will lead us to where we are meant to be, even if it doesn’t necessarily feel right at the time or have to take a detour on the way. And it’s at these times we need faith the most.
The hardest decisions and directions often lead us to the most beautiful destinations. It may take a round about way but we will get there, never lose faith in that.
Keep going, things will get better.
Until next time