Living in the Present

It feels like ages ago since I was last typing away for this little space but lately I’ve found it difficult to be present. To appreciate and be aware all the things going on around me, right in front of my eyes. Instead I’ve found myself distracted by past decisions, future decisions, social media and the lives other people create on them. Lost in a contaminated world of suffocating thoughts and what could have been.

Sometimes you don’t realise how fast or how long you’ve been treading water just to keep yourself afloat until you stop and look around. That’s when I realised that something wasn’t right, I wasn’t alright.

Last week I went away with my family to a beautiful cottage in the most peaceful setting. My bedroom window opened out to miles of fields and mountains. My phone was rendered useless as I had no signal or internet. And time seemed non-existent. For those two weeks nothing else matter apart from spending quality time with my family. I had no where I needed to be, nothing to cross of to-do lists, no phone to keep me up at night.

I was free from the tiresome ritual of everyday life and the distractions that come with it. I was forced to stop and live in the moment without thinking about anything expect for what I was doing at that time. I could be myself without fear of judgment. I could breathe.

Up until that I moment I didn’t realise how much I’d been struggling lately. And I think I need to take notice of that.

So now I’m back at home instead of going back to my old ways I’m going to try and live in the present. I don’t want to simply distract my mind from the darkness or aimlessly fill my time doing nothing, I want it to count for something. I want to lose myself in a book, take long walks, be creative and make this place mean something. I want to be more aware of my surroundings instead of walking around with my eyes closed. I don’t want to shut myself away or only see the world through a screen.

I’ve let things slip without realising and I need to change that. I need to make an effort to look after me, refocus and allow myself time to breathe, there’s no shame in admitting that.

Until next time

Karlena
Xx

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