The Thoughts of a Late Night Thinker

Hello, I thought I would share with you some words I wrote a little while ago of the thoughts of a late night thinker.

When the sun leaves for its grave, and the stars take its place, we close our eyes without closing our minds. For the black of the night can create more questions than answers. Flying round my mind like prey escaping a predator.

How do we know if we are alive if we breathe without hearing our breath? Place your hand on your heart, feel the rise and fall of your chest.

How do we know if we live in reality or the reality we want to create for our selves? A world that apparently holds so many opportunities.

Do my feet leave footprints in the snow or do they cease to exist when the snow melts away? I’m still trying to find a permanent solution.

What if fail at everything I do, but what if I don’t? The constant turmoil between the heart and mind.

You may think, from reading my other posts, that I find this easy. That opening up my chest and spilling the words in my head comes naturally to me. But you would be mistaken.

In fact I find this difficult. Really difficult. I’m a private person, who hides behind a smile and a story that I’m creating. I find it difficult to expose myself. I don’t want to be a burden and show people that I’m hurting. I don’t think anyone wants to.

With the help of social media, it can be easy to create this ‘perfect’ version of our lives. Only showing people what we want them to see. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that there’s a person behind every profile picture. A person with feelings and maybe we will never truly know what that person is really going through in real life.

From experience I know that the less we talk, the more difficult it becomes. As though over time the locks that we place on our words become rusted and stiff. But I’m not losing hope that over time we can gain the strength to free them.

I don’t know if this is your first time here or if you visit regular, but I hope you can make yourself at home. I hope, for a moment, you can loose yourself in these words away from the outside world and let them drift down to your heart.

This place, our place, is slowly helping me to express parts of myself I thought would be locked away forever. Never to spoken or shared. I can see that this seed I planted is slowly starting to grow. With care and patience I hope that one day my bud will open and flourish. So that I can shine a light on the darkest parts of me that I’ve buried and hidden. I hope one day they will be free.

I know that there will be dark nights ahead and days where the future seems murky. But I hope you will be patient with me on this journey we are taking together. And I hope you will be patient with yourself. See the beauty in the sunset and the stars in the darkness. Give yourself time to breath, to cry and to be happy. No one said healing was easy because it isn’t, but it is possible.

Another night
With a tear stained pillow
Darkness falling from my eyes
But I’ll still get up
When the sun finally rises
And I’ll smile in the rain
So you don’t see my broken pieces
Knowing that one day
I’ll have nothing to hide
And my smile will be a permanent feature

I hope these days and nights are treating you well.

If not please remember how strong you are. You are not alone and together we will get through it.

Until next time
Take care of yourself

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